Shadow Monsters
by NightKitty666
Summary: Tag to s10e21 - Hotch's greatest fear is watching his team die, but did his hallucination reveal more than that? Did it reveal, say, the order in which he'd most hate to lose them? He now has to confront this dark vision and the terror it brought, but can he do that without the help of a certain teammate?


"This is what happened," Hotch whispered with tears shining in his eyes. Rossi looked at him with a troubled expression, wanting his friend to talk to him about it but knowing he was unlikely to.

"What did he make you see?" he probed gently, knowing that Hotch needed to get this out in the open.

Hotch shook his head quickly. "No. No, I'm not going to talk about it."

"You have to, while it's fresh, while you can still remember it. You have to tell me now before you block it from your memory."

"I can't!" he said, getting more distressed. "Dave, you don't know how awful it was."

"Then tell me. Help me to understand so that I can help you."

Hotch looked up at his friend with a broken expression before taking a deep breath. He knew Rossi was right, that he had to tell him at some point and might as well do it while it was still fresh. "He made me see my team dying around me. I watched him shoot Morgan, and you, and..." He trailed off as he once again pictured Reid's blood smearing down the glass door panel, the light fading from his subordinate's eyes. It was so real to him that it pushed him over the edge, making tears start to stream down his cheeks as his body shook with sobs.

"Aaron?" Rossi called, startled. "What is it?"

"I saw him shoot Reid. I saw him kill the man I..." He was cut off by his own desperate sobs, the tears falling so fast they could've drowned him. Rossi didn't need to hear the end of the sentence to know what it was; he'd noticed months ago his friend's not so well concealed love for their resident genius. He knew that the image of Reid getting killed by an UnSub must have been one of Hotch's worst nightmares come true, and he found his mind unable to find the words to console his friend. He just stood there watching Hotch cry until he was gasping for breath.

"Dave, I watched him die," he wept. "I watched him die while I could do nothing to save him. Then the rest of you were killed as well. I can't stop seeing it. I can't stop feeling the blood on my face. I can't stop thinking that he's dead."

"You know he's not," Rossi said, but Hotch kept shaking his head, panicked. He sighed then added, "I'll prove it to you." He hurried over to where Reid, JJ and Morgan were standing before grabbing the young agent's arm and dragging him over to the ambulance. Reid followed, confused, until he saw Hotch crying bitterly and stopped in his tracks.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He knew that the UnSub had made Hotch live his worst fear, but he never thought that it would have such an effect on the usually calm and collected man. He looked nervously to Rossi, who gestured for him to move closer to their Unit Chief.

Reid took a step towards Hotch and called out to him quietly. "Hotch?" His voice sounded scared and shaky; he was so unused to seeing his boss like this.

Hotch heard his voice through the haze of his panic and looked up to see Reid watching him anxiously. The sight of the younger profiler made him cry harder as he kept picturing a bullet hole in his head, his hair matted with blood.

"Hotch?" Reid called again as he slowly sat down next to Hotch on the back of the ambulance. "What's going on?"

Hotch shook his head. "I don't know what's real anymore. I keep thinking that you're..." He couldn't finish the sentence, the thought too terrible to voice out loud again.

Reid glanced at Rossi for an explanation, who slowly said, "he was made to hallucinate the team getting killed. Morgan, myself and, well, you." Reid's eyes widened in horror as he began to understand why his superior was so upset. "And the thing is," Rossi continued, "he sort of..." He trailed off as he wondered how to explain Hotch's devastation without mentioning his love for the genius.

"I sort of have feelings for you," Hotch finished through his sobs. "I saw you get killed when I... When I love you... And I can't get the image out of my head."

"Hotch..." Reid replied quietly as he gingerly placed a hand on his boss' shoulder. "Hotch, I'm so so sorry. But I'm here, I'm okay. And you don't have to worry about me going anywhere because I... I love you, too."

He dropped his gaze to his lap as he felt his cheeks blush. He never thought he'd admit his feelings for the older man, much less in front of Rossi, but the words just seemed to come out before he could stop them.

As his words filtered into Hotch's brain, the Unit Chief looked up at the younger man as he sobs quietened. He watched as Reid slowly lifted his gaze up to meet his, then before he knew what he was doing he had wrapped his arms around the genius and was pulling him as close as he could to his chest, holding onto him as if for dear life and burying his face in Reid's shoulder.

"Reid, I don't ever want to lose you," Hotch whispered into the younger man's shoulder. "Please, you have to keep yourself safe."

"Of course, Hotch. I won't let anyone take me away from you. Okay?"

"Okay," murmured Hotch as his sobs slowly began to cease. Being in Reid's comforting embrace was beginning to calm him down, and Reid held him until he had managed to compose himself again. Once he had recovered, he gradually loosened his grip on his subordinate and pulled away so that he could see Reid's face. "I'm sorry, Reid," he said quietly, a hint of embarrassment in his voice. "I didn't mean to get so emotional."

"Hotch, it's okay," Reid soothed. "I'm glad I could be here to help. And I'm glad that you told me about… you know… your feelings."

Hotch chuckled slightly. "It's not the way I'd planned on doing it. But... I'm glad, too." He smiled softly at his colleague, who placed a hand reassuringly on his arm.

"When they're finished with you here, do you maybe want to come back to my place?" Reid suggested sheepishly.

"Yeah, that sounds great," Hotch replied. He wanted to talk this new revelation over properly with Reid, and he definitely didn't feel like being alone tonight. "Can you… stay here until they're done?" he added quietly, ashamed at his weakness but not wanting Reid to leave him.

Reid sat down next to him and picked up Hotch's hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "Of course. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Hotch relaxed visibly, feeling safe with Reid right there beside him, and Reid knew that he would never leave Hotch's side for as long as the man needed him.


End file.
